Blooming.

Recently I had an old high school friend contact me on Facebook.  It was one of the nicest e-mails I had gotten in a while.  She told me that she found it funny that my posts were ones that she looked forward to and that my life seemed to just come together so magically almost as if all of a sudden, it gave her hope.  

I happen to know that it WAS indeed magical.. the kind of "magic" that only GOD can supply.  I know that my story, my life was completely orchestrated by God.
What I also know is that at some point, about 5 years ago, I made a conscious decision to LIVE my life.  I chose to be deliberate about what I was doing, with who, why and when.  I listened to the Lord and was grateful for a house full of young women that all got a long.  I was thankful for friends that embraced me in their growing families as the "auntie".  I was happy to have a job that was fun (most of the time) but that did a good job of supporting me.  I had found that long lost, often sought after thing we call contentment.

Yesterday while driving through the tulip fields, I found what I think may have been my favorite field.  It was actually a field of daffodils that had already seen their prime, they had bloomed and were wilting some still yellow but not bright and vibrant.  In the midst of them were these pinkish red tulips that were standing ever so tall, blooming as they should.  It reminded me how very important it is for us to do what God created us to do; to grow closer to Him, living out the will he has for us... to BLOOM.  We are to BLOOM, right where we are, even if we're surrounded by people that are negative, or people that don't want to grow OR have grown to their potential and stopped.  We need to reach to the Lord and grow, and bloom and rejoice for that is where God has us, right now.

Tattooed Mommy

When I found out I was pregnant, I actually put into thought whether I would be one of those moms that got a tattoo representation of each of her kids.  I'm not a tattoo addict, I have a few.  I have a really stupid one that I got a when I was 18 that is the stereotypical "first tattoo"  picked it out of a book and everything.. and not it's NOT a rose, it's not THAT stereotypical.  My second tattoo was one that I designed and I still like it.  I'm just not fond of the location. THAT is stereotypical - my lower back.  My third tattoo I got 2 summers ago, it's on my foot and I LOVE it.  It's a dragonfly and stars with the verse Jer.  29:11.  It was representative of a turning point for me (3 months later I was engaged!) and the fourth tattoo was my engagement ring - the greek word pistus which means faith.  Dana has a matching one and I LOVE it.

So, after Avery was born and I decided I indeed wanted a tattoo that reminded me of what a miracle he is (as if his cute little face isn't enough??!!!)  I spent some time thinking..ya know, about 4 months.  At first I thought I would get his little ankle band from the hospital on my wrist.  But then I realized the writing was just too small for that to be a quality tattoo.  Then one day as I was sitting on the couch remembering that day, it came to me.

The day that Avery was born, I was very sick.  I was throwing up, had diarrhea and was a little scared but I felt Avery have the hiccups twice that day so I knew he was okay.  Later that night when we decided to call the midwife, she asked me if I had felt any movement and I said, "YES, he had the hiccups earlier"  She wanted me to come in to be monitored.  As you all know, he was born later that night, via emergency c-section.  The next morning that same midwife came in and expressed just how glad she was that we thought to call and that we came in and she went on to say " I knew when you told me ALL you felt was hiccups that he was in distress."  The VERY thing that had given me HOPE that day was also what told her that he was in   trouble.  Hiccups saved my baby boys life.   Well, God saved his life but through hiccups he spoke to us.  Yep, that God of ours is amazing.  And so is my son, my little hiccup.

My Birth Story - Part 2

As we climbed in the truck I asked Dana if we should call our parents.  It had felt weird to leave the house without telling Aaron and Nicole, who were watching TV as we left.  I called our parents and told them what was going on, it's probably no big deal.
By the time we pulled up to the hospital it was after 9.  We parked, and walked for what seemed like eternity to the door.  It was very quiet at the women and children's pavilion at this hour in fact, when we walked through the double doors the security guard stopped us, wanting our name, "Swanson".  He looked down at this little slip of paper and said, "go on up"  They had told him we were coming.
The elevator ride was long, then once at triage we had to wait for our "papers" to come in.  So we sat, in silence.  I wasn't scared, I don't think I was even anxious.  I was afraid that I had over-reacted and this was going to cost a fortune.  Finally the nurse came to retrieve us.  Her name was Ginger, and I will never forget her.  Triage is set up in a way that each "room" (an area of floor that is marked off by hanging curtains) were stacked on top of each other.  Was I having an contractions?  Yes.  A few but not strong and not with any regularity.  Was I dilated?  I don't know, no one checked me.  (I had had an appointment 5 days earlier)  but I was also only 34 weeks. She asked more questions about my day how I had been feeling etc and then she had me undress from the waist down and lay on the table.  Dana and I were still joking around with each other, neither one of us ready for what was about to happen.  Ginger hooked me up to the monitors and right away I heard our little boys heartbeat, a sigh of relief.  She said, well, everything sounds good but we're going to keep you hooked up for a little bit.  I gave Dana the relief smile and asked him to call our parents and let them know.
What happens next is all a bit of a blur to me because it all happened so fast.  All I know is that no sooner had he finished telling our parents that everything was fine...than there were 5 people surrounding me.  One was putting oxygen on me, the other was stripping off my shirt to put a BP cuff on me. The gal that had come in and put the oxygen on me very calmly said, "he apparently doesn't like the position you're in mom, take some good deep breaths for me"  STOP THE TRAIN.  What was going on?  Not even 5 minutes ago everything was fine.  And now they were putting oxygen on me?  I knew enough to know that the oxygen was NOT for me but was for him.  What was going on?  A split second after that they were physically moving my body all over the table.. from my right side to my left side.  Avery's heart rate had all of s a sudden tanked and they were trying to find a position that would stabilize it.  I was freaking out but trying to continue to take deep breaths for my son.  Have you ever tried to cry and breath deeply at the same time (and with an oxygen mask on at that) ... it doesn't work well.  With so many people around me, I could not see Dana.  I needed to see Dana.  Finally our eyes met, he was calm.. I was able to relax...some.  They got me in a good spot and Sky, the midwife on call came in.  She began to explain to me that for some reason, Avery was not happy in his current situation and they weren't sure why (this entire time Ginger is holding my hand)  She said, "we're going to continue monitoring him, but I'm also going to contact the surgeon on call tonight"  I didn't really know what that meant.  And then she said, "you're not going ANYWHERE tonight, and you may be having a baby."  WHAAAAAT??? Ginger could sense the terror I was feeling and she moved the oxygen mask to the side.  "Should we call our parents back?" I asked.  She responded to Dana - " you may want to."  He got on that as I layed in a very uncomfortable position to keep my baby boys heart rate in a good spot.  The next person to enter was the anastesiologist, he asked about allergies and had me open my mouth and tilt my head back.  All for the sake of  " just in case"  I'm sure MY heart rate was sky rocketing because none of this sat well with me.  Then Sky returned with another woman.  She introduced herself as Dr. Welcome.  She was the surgeon on call.  She explained that they were hoping to get things figured out but if they couldn't I would need to have a c-section and she would be performing it.  Sky jumped in and very calmly expressed how sorry she was that it had to be like this and that they all understood that this was NOT my desire.  What could I say?  My number one desire was to have a healthy baby boy in my arms so let's figure this out!  Dr. Welcome also expressed that they would do whatever they could to make sure I was awake for the process and all would go well.  They both left.  Ginger remained by my side, as well as Dana.  A few more dips in Avery's heart rate in a matter of minutes and Dr. Welcome returned.  "So, we're going to take you down for a c-section.  You're little guy is giving us  no option, we need to get him out of there. If we get you down there and he seems okay we'll do a spinal and you'll be able to be awake, if he's not, we have to put you under and get things done more quickly."  Even with oxygen, I felt like I couldn't breathe!  HOW is this possible?  He's not due for another SIX weeks...I didn't have time to even think about all that that meant.  They were whisking me off, they handed Dana his operating room outfit and told him if I was awake, he could be with me, if they had to put me under he couldn't. He just nodded, then kissed me.  There were new nurses there and one of them told Ginger, we got it from here.  Ginger said, "I'm going with her" and she grabbed my hand and walked with me, by my side, all the way to the OR. 

In the elevator, Ginger asks me if I've ever been put under.  I replied, "No.  The last time I was admitted to the hospital, I was 3.. I cracked my head open and needed stitches."  We both nervously chuckle.  The next thing I know we are in a stark, VERY bright operating room.  Just like the movies.. it's clean, metal, cold and did I mention BRIGHT?  They had me actually get off the gurney and sit up on the other one.  They hooked me back up and immediately were rushing around me.. apparently Avery was NOT going to cooperate, he was unhappy and making it obvious.  This was all probably the scariest part for me.  I was alone in this room, no real communication other than direction from the nurses and doctors.  I was laying down in no time flat, naked from the waste down (modesty, what's that when your child is in danger?)  Oxygen back on my face, arms out to my side.  And a guardian angel.  So much was going on around me, I'm sure she could see the terror in my eyes because she kept whispering in my ear.  You're doing great, it's going to be okay.  You're so strong.  Meanwhile, Dr. Welcome had informed me that because of his heart rate they were putting me under.
The next thing I knew my legs were flung open and they announced they were inserting the catheter.  THE MOST PAINFUL thing I've ever experienced.  (Just sayin')  Slowly, it became harder and harder to breathe.  The anesthesiologist was talking to me and to others and I began to panic and get a little thrashy on the table, he put a hand on my shoulder (along with my guardian angel)  and said you're fine.  I said, "I can't breathe"  he said, "It's okay, if you can talk you can breathe" And again, my guardian angel telling me "you're doing great"  It's going to be fine, You're so strong... Seconds later I was waking up...

***As my dad explains the timeline I got a better idea of how fast it all went.  Dana called them said, you may want to come over here...they get in the car to drive to Everett from Snohomish.  By the time they're pulling into the parking garage, he calls back, "they're taking her in for a c-section" AND by the time they reach the 3rd floor, they could hear Avery crying.  We were admitted to triage around 9:30ish..Avery was born at 11:14.

This is the part I may get messed up because I was VERY groggy.  But Dana was at my side, they took me up to my room and I remember them telling me they were going to blow something up.  Sure enough something under me blew up like an air mattress and the slid me onto my bed.  My mom and sister came in and tearfully told me how beautiful my son was, Bridgette was there, she had a little video of Avery.  What was going on?  My eyes were open but I was NOT there.  I think it was like 3 in the morning...I'm pretty sure I fell back asleep.  My nurse showed me where the button was for the pain killer, she said, "don't let the pain get ahead of you.. or something like that."  I wanted to see my son...but could barely keep my eyes open.

This is my son, just moments old.  The first time I saw him was through this picture.  I don't recall how much time elapsed before I got to actually see my son.  I think it was that afternoon, they got me in a wheel chair and took me down, I got to hold him.  My heart melted.  But why did you have to come so early you little stinker.  Everything from the night before seemed like a distant memory now that I was holding my son in my arms.
I was on the 4th floor, Avery was on the 2nd floor.  The first 2 days, getting out of bed, even moving was painful for me.  It was very emotional to not be close to my son, to need help to get out of bed and for it to take every last bit of energy I had to go see him.  On the second day there, I went down in the morning, and then hoped to go back in the evening but by the time evening came I was in too much pain to go... my first emotional breakdown.  Why can't they have me closer to him.  Who is with him?  Everyone else was getting to see my son more than me!  I was discharged on the third day, but spent the afternoon in the NICU with my son.
Seventeen days postpartum and I cry as I type out the story.  It's not what I had planned, and yes, some days I feel robbed of a birth experience and other days I logically say to myself.. you had a birth experience, it was an emergency and traumatic but your son is here and beautiful.
Avery is still in the NICU and each day has it's own challenges.  Some days I go and sit all day with him, I feed him, I nurse him, I watch him as he sleeps and its beautiful.  Other days I can't stand to be in the hospital one more day and I cry and cry and cry and have to leave the hospital but that means I have to leave my son and then the guilt sets in.  It's a vicious cycle and I pray for God's strength to continue through and believe that HE has what's best for my son and will do as HE sees fit.  My story of our time in the NICU is a different blog and one I don't think I'll have the strength to write out for a while.. we're still walking through it and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

My Birth Story- Part 1

It's been just over 2 weeks and I figure I better get it written down before I forget...how could I ever forget??

March 13, 2012...It was a Tuesday.  The day before we had been to have an ultrasound of our baby son, he was measuring big but all was well, we even FINALLY got a cute ultrasound profile, he was sucking his thumb.

I woke up Tuesday and all was well.  I had a bowl of cereal and went about my business. I was on a mission that day, to clean out our big chest freezer and our regular fridge and freezer..which I did..  But I also had to make few more visits to the bathroom than usual...my stomach was just not normal...and was causing me some distress (if you get what I'm sayin')  Dana came home for lunch and I wasn't really that hungry so I passed.  About 2ish I decided a corn dog sounded good.  Now, I don't know what possessed me to eat a corn dog let alone TWO corn dogs when my stomach was acting up, but I did and didn't feel quite right the rest of the afternoon.  Tuesdays is the night we go to my parents for dinner, so when Dana got home from work we headed up to my parents, I still was not feeling great but I figured I would be fine, once I ate some "real" food.  My mom was making corned beef and cabbage in honor of St Patty's Day coming up.  We sat down to eat and immediately I knew I HAD to get up from the table.  I rushed to the bathroom and you betcha, those corn dogs were comin' up.  UGH.  But then I felt awesome, better than I had all day.  I sat down at the table and expressed that I should of just thrown up earlier and I would have felt better. So I sat down and proceeded to eat some dinner.  We sat and visited for a bit and then went home.  Once we got home, I was in the bathroom again...this time losing my dinner.  It was about 8:30 at this point and I asked Dana if I should call the midwives.  "Sure, why not?"  Well.. as I sat there with the little blue contact card in my hand and the list of reasons you may need to call.. I read - persistent diarrhea and/or vomiting.  It wasn't really persistent..just all day.  hahaha and I just didn't want to be  THAT neurotic first time mom.  So I asked Dana again...his response, "what's it going to hurt?"  And I also realized that I had only felt Avery once that afternoon - he had had the hiccups.  He is usually much more active and then I got scared.  I called and spoke to the midwife on call and without a beat she said she'd like me to go to the hospital for monitoring.  That is NOT what I expected.  I had expected to have her say that I should get some rest and call back in the morning or something.... but even now I never thought I would be having a baby.

Today's Creation

Over the past few weeks I've been slowly "collecting" paint chips from the local hardware stores.  For some reason, even though they are free, I feel as though I'm stealing something every time I grab a stack...Some of them were in fact to figure out what color we want to use for the stripe in Avery's room, but a majority of them were for this project I had seen in a similar format on Pinterest (surprise, surprise)  I just had something a little more detailed in mind.

I started by punching out all of the circles, borrowing a circle punch from a friend.  Last week  I sat on the couch and punched, and punched, and punched.

Yesterday I ventured out to Joanne Fabrics.  The original idea had used a wooden cross-stitch hoop and I wanted something a little fancier.  What I wanted to do was find something I could wrap ribbon around to class it up a bit.  Which in all reality a wooden cross-stitch hoop would have worked for that but I also had a vision of two hoops so I could do one color in the middle hoop and another on the outer hoop.  They only had a great big huge one and a teeny tiny one.  ARGH.  I had also seen one made with a wire wreath thingy, so I found one of those but it had too many "other" hoops and what not on it.  The thought of wrapping ribbon around it gave me a headache but I grabbed it anyway.  Luckily on our way out we came upon these tiny little gold rings... woot woot, they were going to be perfect!!

Yesterday:  I took all my punched circles and used my sewing machine to sew them all into rows.  Since there is writing on one side, I doubled them up.  I had 2 sizes and several different colors.  Also with the blue on the bottoms I used 4 of the circles and made a more 3D type thing folding them out.

Today:

I started by wrapping the gold hoops.  I used my glue gun to adhere the ribbon to start, periodically throughout and then at the end.

Next I needed to figure out how to attach the two hoops so that the smaller hoop would be centered.  I decided I would measure 3 pieces of ribbon all the same length and then sew them around both hoops.  

I was actually really excited at how that came out!!  

Next I cut 3 more ribbons all the same length and again sewed them to the hoop, these would be how it would eventually hang.  

And finally, I began tying all the strips of circles to the wire hoops.  I tied all the blue to the middle hoop and all the green to the outer hoop.  

This last picture you can see the colors a bit better, with the flash. 

I absolutely love how it turned out, with the exception that I ran out of circles, I may collect more paint chips and add a few more rows...but it's definitely okay how it is!  I just love creating and finishing!  It feels soo good! 

Are you a crabby christian???

If there is one thing that reeeally irks me it's crabby christians.  If you're reading this there is a good chance you have run into one of these in your lifetime and chances are, if you're a christian...are even guilty of BEING one at one point or another.  


A crabby christian is an individual that claims to be a follower of Christ but then decides that their behavior toward others doesn't need to REFLECT that they are a follower of Christ.  And really is pretty much the most hypocritical way a christian can act.  


**disclaimer** I realize I am up on a soapbox and I realize that at some point or another I have, and people I love have been guilty of this behavior but the more I see it in other people the uglier I find it and pray that I see it in myself less and less - or NEVER.  


I think the most often I see it, it's when believe it or not, someone saved by GRACE..forgets that fact when a non-christian or new believer enters their realm of comfortability and in an attempt to keep their world "safe" and "sacred"  they begin treating this "outsider" like a leper, like they don't belong, like they're not good enough.  And this is what i have to say about this... (even as a reminder to myself)  


John 13:35
By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. - NIV


Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. - NLT


By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. -KJV


By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. -NASB


So, get off your high horse and stop being part of the problem.. the hypocritical problem.  And start being part of the solution.  STOP expecting non christians to act or respond like christians and by all means when there is someone new introduced to your life, that is seeking out truth, making an effort to understand, learning to live life a new way... show love, show understanding, show compassion, and  don't for ONE second think you have the right to treat them like they are less because NEWS FLASH - YOUR ARE A SINNER too, you too are SAVED BY GRACE and FORGIVEN.  So humble yourself and LOVE instead of JUDGE.  

Finished Project

Currently I have A LOT of ongoing projects for Avery... today I decided I needed to FINISH something.  So, I started and finished a new project!

I have been collecting little outfits and decided I was going to organize Avery's closet.  I had seen some little organizer tabs on Etsy and thought, I can make something like that.. so I did.

I started with an old gift box (for the card stock)

And then I grabbed some old school scrapbooking supplies I had laying around and used some old oval and circle cutters as the template.  I actually made and hung a few before I found the size I really liked.

Then I used the cardboard as a template to to cut out the decorative paper for the front of the tabs.  Once that was finished I used spray mount to get a consistent full coverage of sticky! :) 

And then I scrounged up some old sticker numbers,

 again in my archaic scrapbooking supplies!! 

 And I began labeling all the tabs! 

 And then they were finished!  

So then it was time to organize the closet!!!  

I just can't wait to see my little man in his cute outfits!!