DEFINITION

an unfilled space...hollow

an address (as a petition) to God  in word or thought...prayer

visualization of a future event or state....anticipation

 a strong desire especially for something unattainable...longing

 an intense, urgent, or abnormal desire or longing...craving

 a relation of personal intimacy...connection

 having qualities which inspire hope...hopeful

 a state of well-being and contentment..happiness

FAITH: belief, trust in and loyalty to God.

8-Tracks Got Nuthin on Me!

I did something hard tonight.  I ignored the old tapes, as in I turned them off.  Sometimes I've turned them down or tuned them out for a short time, but they are always there in the back of my mind, droning on and on.  Tonight I turned them off.  Tonight the tapes that said, you're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough, you can't keep up in conversation, you're TOO OLD, you should just stay home...were shut down and thrown out.

The result: I laughed, had good conversation, felt a spark inside again and left wanting more...

Those are very, very old tapes, that have been overplayed.

Tonight I did something hard, I decided that I'm no longer going to play 8-tracks, that I'm an iPod and I'm letting God make me a new mix.

Dear Gramma Ali

Dear Gramma Ali,
I never could have imagined how much I love living in the red house.  It seems every time I turn around another fond memory of you pops up.  Today, the sun was shining and I was out in the yard.  I remembered how excited I got at the thought of renewing this 1-acre parcel to the way you once had it.  Well, I have my work cut out for me, but my goal still remains.

These cute little guys came up without anyone asking, there are these purple ones and white ones.. I'm sure you remember planting them.  They're all along the rock wall.  There are some of them that I'm surprised they could even find their way out, the moss and weeds are about choking them out.

Then there is the lilac bush.. I really couldn't tell you the last time this little thing saw any attention but amongst the brown branches are sooo many green buds, just dying to bloom and be beautiful and fragrant! Do you remember how mad you used to get when I'd pick these out of your yard and then they'd end up in your may day basket?

The rose bush on the clothes line has seen better days, like when you were alive and took care of trimming it and pruning it, but it too still wants to bloom!

And the raspberries...ohhhh the raspberries, they are on the top of my list, they're being choked out by who knows what but if you look close, you can see the green, it's there!   I so want to have them back, to make raspberry jam...or maybe I'll try my hand at jelly and have them strung up in one of my stockings in the kitchen like you used to do, if I even wore stockings!?

And of course the moles still reside in the back yard, I'm not sure what I'll do about them...maybe they won't like the Great Dane that lives here... okay don't be mad, but I named my dog after you.  It just made sense, there was no way I would have even thought about getting a dog if  I didn't live in a house and well, it's your house that I'm now living in so...

Then there's this pain in the bush, it's really an eye sore when it's not blooming, in fact it's just a sore in general, I think it's a bier patch, it has these big, huge, thorns, I tried killing it once, years back and well, now it's come back with a vengence.  Right now is the only time I like it because it's actually blooming, and pretty.  Did you plant that thing?

And then there are the grape hyacinths on the wall...they were always here with the "damn weeds"  well over time, I think you were successful in getting rid of the "damn weeds"  or someone was.  But the minute I moved in, a friend of mine made sure that I had some and  today I noticed them blooming and it's because of them that I write this letter just to tell you...

FORGET YOU - I WILL NOT. 

My Mom and Dad

People that know my dad often inquire as to what he possibly does now that he's retired. (He retired from the Seattle Fire Department as a Deputy Chief)

Well, let me tell you... as I see it.

The first few years he spent re-modeling the kitchen/living room at their house. An act that was "for" my mom, loving her in the only way that he knew, or cared to know, how.

And he tinkers, you know.. stays busy, doing odds and ends. He blows the leaves, mows the lawn, does his laundry (yes he does his own laundry) rides his bike, helps friends, serves at church (this he does with my mom) and he enjoys cooking too.

He's been retired for, I think, 4 years now and the past year has been spent in a very different way.

You see, last summer he changed. Last summer, he was forced to see things a different way. Last summer, it was him and God.

So today if you asked me what my dad does now that he's retired, I'd tell you, well... he goes on 4 day getaways with his beautiful bride, one way he learned to love her. Some Tuesdays you'll find him calling Bingo at the Senior Center with my mom, today he was at my house finishing up a project here and he told me, one more day and it will be done. I asked which day that might be and he said, I dunno, it depends on how your mom feels tomorrow. He thinks about her and not in a , ohh I better ask the wifey kind of way but in a respectful, loving way.(As he packed up his things to go teach 6th graders how to play trombone....he cracks me up! )

My mom, is the woman that waited 35 years for her knight in shining armor.(that strength, love and fortitude is an entirely different entry...) I don't know why God has the timing that he does and I can't speak for her but I am pretty sure she can't imagine being with anyone else but my dad...they really are pretty cute, living out their honeymoon as fifty somethings, in their motor home.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm going on 36 and still waiting for my knight but for now I just observe the wonders and miracles in the relationships around me and try (emphasis on try) not to question HIS timing.

Pho Love

How does or CAN a soup represent so much pain, hatred and resentment???

When you let it.

Pho- or Vietnamese noodle soup for years and years made me cringe. I always said that I didn't like it but I think I've finally come to the realization that it actually wasn't the soup I hated but the selfishness that surrounded any evening involving Pho. It took about 8 years to get over that anger and actually feel the pain but then finally laughing out loud at.... a soup.

Life takes strange turns sometimes and last night mine turned down memory lane. This morning I woke up with a mind full of what ifs, wonderment and whys. I also woke up with a new respect for myself and that man that LOVES pho.

Funnier even yet is that today, I couldn't even remember ever TRYING pho...maybe I was the selfish one.

Today I ate Pho....with tendons even, and it tasted good.

Please, just say yes.

I haven't written in a few days and today I had something short on my mind and tried to send it from my cell phone but it just came across jumbled. So the ponderous thing today? When things make sense (to me) ... all is well. However, sometimes God throws me a curve ball and then I'm confused all over again.Last week, life and it's direction seemed so clear, this week....He's shaking it up again and I just sit and wait, pray and hope. This time I hope He says yes.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday.

Love in a pan.

Laughter in more than that

Sweet apples,

No bitterness.

Love in an action.

Laughter in all things.

Sweet smiles,

No bitterness.

Love backs down.

Laughter fades.

Sweet thoughts,

bitterness calls.