BURN BABY BURN

I can't figure it out. I can't figure out why I keep going round and round in this same circle. It's like a roller coaster- merry go round except there's nothing "merry" about it. I want off this ride but can't seem to figure out how to do it. Do I not have the strength or not have the heart or will God not let me... ? For far too long my journals say the same thing over and over again, asking God for the same help and crying over the same sentences. All I can think is that I want to burn my journals. I only have myself to blame. Or do I? I feel schizophrenic, scattered, lost, found, mad, sad, hopeful yet hopeless. I want to climb under the covers and hide for days... I want to climb a mountain and scream from the top of it. I want to climb out of my skin and I want a hug. And guess what... it'll pass, until next time.