Playing Catch Up

I can't believe my last entry was August 6th.  I was getting ready to go to the beach for a week. The day after returning from the beach I found out I was pregnant..sooo it kind of makes sense, things have gotten a bit shaken up since then.  

So, since August 6th, 2011:

I spent most of my first trimester sick and tired and getting up at 3:30 every morning to go to a job that was getting more and more stressful - understaffed, undersupported blah blah blah.. so in October of 2011 Dana and I made the very difficult and extremely faith based decision that I would quit my job.  Our original plan was that I would work as long as possible and we would cut way back and tighten up and pay off as much of our debt as we could before was a stay at home mom.  Well instead we stepped out in faith in a place where the numbers did not look good on paper but we really felt like I needed to leave that job.  Dana has said several times that it was the best decision we could have made.  He loves having me home, with the energy to take care of the house and do more cooking and lunch preparations and I have cherished this time before the baby comes of just enjoying my husband.  What happened since then has been nothing but miracle after miracle and blessing.
The Lord has been providing for us over and over again...
* The last weekend of my job, Dana had a swap meet that he took a bunch of stuff he had had for years to sell, he made over $800.
*The following week, a set of wheels and tires he had for sale sold.. $2,000.
*Our parents both having us over for dinner once a week to lower grocery costs for us
*The PUD guy that showed up to fix our light being my cousin who used his lift to cut trees down
* My best friend giving us the use of her crib and dresser for the baby
* My dad finding a hot smoke deal and buying us a new HE washer and dryer
*Finding out that I had stocks that we could sell from my job at Peet's $2,700
*Dana's bonuses being bigger than he thought (December's being double what we expected)
*A healthy baby boy arriving in April - Avery Robert
*Free wood to burn
*Dana finds $100 in a box in the garage
*Mona (Dana's mom)  gives $100 from a winning at the casino for her birthday
*2 different people giving me sacks of maternity clothes!

The list goes on and on and I feel like I should have been writing them down all along so that I wouldn't forget but it's been so amazing to watch God's provision in our lives and the way He has chosen to bless our little family.  I am in awe and speechless, frequently.

Going into this new year, I pray I will not forget or continue to look for all the amazing ways the Lord shows us he loves us and takes care of us.  We have an amazing God that loves us and loves when we put Him and His desires for our family first.

The end of an era....

Today I sit, with suitcase open, clothes stacked, a nice stack of books, ready to go to the beach.  A week I have been looking forward to for 9 months, but today I cry.  I cry as I walk through The Red House, headed to the laundry room.  Past the boxes stacked up in the corner, past Nicole's beautiful new couch.  I cry because it's the end.

It started 2 and a half years ago when I decided it was time to move back to Snohomish and live close to my family.  It started with 4 young ladies that for some reason thought it would be fun to bunk together and live with ME, they're crazy. Thus the journey of The Red House began.  Five women, in one house, loving the Lord and loving each other.  Charlotte, my friend and room mate from the 2 years prior had just started dating Kris when we moved in, so needless to say, she wasn't home much.  She was engaged and married before we'd been in the house 6 months.  So then came Morgan..and we were 5 again.  We cooked together, baked together, shared sob stories and blessings.  We had wonderful gatherings of laughter, games of chance and great food.  We also had late night talks and theological discussions and well, a lot of advice.  I didn't think much about it when it all started, I just knew that the Lord was going to make it work and that He did.  There was never any fighting (people never believed it)  I was just so excited to have these ladies in my home that I had known since they were in youth group.  I also had no idea they would watch me and how I dealt with life, life at 36 and single.  They would watch as I began falling in love with one of my very best friends on Sunday nights around the dinner table.  They would listen to me squeal with glee and stomp my feet in frustration as the relationship progressed...And they would be there the night he proposed, in The Red House Kitchen, crying for me, with joy.

Things started to change then, a MAN was moving into The Red House. Two of the gals had to move out, Kattie and Morgan found a place in Marysville.  Justine and Nicole stayed.  The living situation changed slightly, in that they took over one end of the house, kind of like small apartment.  We shared the kitchen and I've been told that Dana and I are really fun to live with.  I can only hope that how we have interacted will serve as a good example.

Two months ago Justine got engaged, an event that we all knew was coming.  We just didn't know when!  So Nicole started looking for another room mate.  A few interested parties, but nothing really came about.  Yesterday, Nicole told me she really felt a calling from the Lord to do something else and she had to move out.  I think a little in shock I told her I understood and that God would take care of it.  And He will, I've known that from the beginning of The Red House.

But today...today I sit here alone, with the reminder that the "girl house" is no more.  I sit here with the memories of the past two years and I cry tears of joy more than anything.  Joy that I was able to experience that, joy that I was soo blessed to be a part of these ladies lives and joy because I truly believe God has something amazing planned.

It's an end of an era, soon.  But it's the start of beginnings in so many areas.  Maybe those gals are like birds that needed a little stability before they took flight.  I can't wait to watch you all soar!  I love you all, more than you'll ever know.  I have loved what The Red House has meant in my life, and in all of yours.  Please know, the door is always open and that as Justine put it, will ALWAYS be Red House Girls!!

One Month

Is 4 weeks one month or can I only say I've been married one month on the day of my wedding?  Hmmm?  Who cares.  Either way, I'm married and love my husband and love my life.
The hardest part of this past month is the two weeks I've been back to work.  I had two weeks off for the wedding and honeymoon which was glorious.  The first day back to work was a whirlwind of catching up and trying to figure out what I needed to catch up on.  The second day was the hardest, it began to really sink in that now my job was going to get in the way of my life.  Okay that may sound a little dramatic but seriously.  I have to get out of bed and leave before my husband even wakes.  Don't tell me that doesn't suck.  But here is what happened and why today, I am okay, and how God made it okay.  In the first 3 days I was back I had several customers very excited to see me.  Some of them thought I was another manager that didn't make it through the drama of Redmond and some customers knew that I had gotten married so they were excited.  They all wanted to see pictures and hear all about it.  They also were very quick to tell me that they had heard I was a gorgeous bride.  Who doesn't want to hear that?  But then there are the customers that just make you want to hang up your customer service hat and call it quits.  I had just finished dealing with one of those peaches when I stepped in the back room to take 10 deep breaths.  I opened my locker (which I had not done yet) and there was a folded up piece of paper with my name on it.  Oh great, someones notice and I hadn't seen it yet.  I opened it up and it was from Lindsay.  A young gal from Idaho that had to move back to Idaho and her last day was while I was gone.  I began reading this letter and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face.  What hit me was this, " I honestly think you taught me so much not just about coffee, but about life and God....You have a huge heart and have a way of loving people wherever they are at in life.  Thanks for always looking out.  I will miss you and love you deeply."
THAT IS WHY I DO WHAT I DO.
It's not about me.  It's not about the things that make me want to pull my hair out...the busy little tasks, the customers that can't seem to smile and say please and thank you.  I have been put in this position to be a light, to share my heart and to love.  Isn't that why we've been put on this earth.  Period.
Oh and I also got a raise that week, that helped too.  ha!  But seriously, the bottom line is that for my entire life, I've wanted to be a wife and a mother and for the first time in my life I'm getting to be part of that and hoping and praying for the other.  And as I wait for the mother part, I was feeling like I this job thing was really going to get to me, God spoke truth and gave me peace that I can do this and I can enjoy it all by knowing that I'm doing it for Him.  Not for me.

Standing in the gap...

For as long as I can remember, yeah, because I was going to say for the past 10 years but I think even before that...my dad has either had delivered or delivered himself, flowers and a card to me on Valentine's Day.  He has been my faithful Valentine, full of unconditional love for me for a very long time, and I've adored it, and him.

This morning, I awoke, very, very excited about my first Valentine's with Dana.  Then, I felt a little twinge of sadness.  I knew that as exciting as having a Valentine was, it also meant that I would probably NOT get a valentine from my dad.  So I reminiced with the girls at work about the past 10 years, places I've been when getting those flowers, things the cards have said and just how blessed I was to have a dad that would stand in the gap willingly and be my valentine.

I was wrong, I got one last delivery today.  My dad showed up with 6 red roses and a card.  Just his presence made me want to cry, and I laughed and said, "oh this will be the last time"  and he laughed to and said, "um yes."   I may have been able to hold it together out front, but I took the card back to my desk and what he had to say there made my eyes leak.He told me how honored he had been to be my valentine for so many years and how thankful he was that the years that he couldn't step in, God was there.  He went on to tell me that he was very comfortable passing me off to the very capable hands of Dana and very matter of factly stated that if Dana loved me half as much as he did, we'd do just fine.  Oh and we will, I got home to a dining room table covered with different sized paper hearts, in the center was a beautiful arrangement of my favorite flower and a card.  A card that would make you sob if you read it, a card that was actually created, with paper, pens and glue.  But most of all, created from the heart of the man my dad has passed me to.  A man that adores me, a man that took the time to MAKE me a card because he "knew what he wanted it to say" We spent the evening doing exactly what I wanted to do.  We watched movies, had chinese and enjoyed each others company. 

I am a blessed woman.  May I never forget it. 

But it WAS a romantic getaway....

This time last year I was in a VERY different place in my life.  I had just begun to understand, or think I understood, what it meant to be content, what it meant to really allow God to be in control, what it meant to let the Lord turn your life upside down.  For this "planner" I was not too excited about that. On a rainy February day I stood on the beaches of Westport and told the Lord I would change my mind, that I would allow Him to be the one that made the decisions, that I would stop thinking that I knew what I wanted and that I had it all figured out.  I let HIM croon to me and was content knowing that He was the lover of my soul.  Don't get me wrong, I still know all those things but I had no idea that that heart change, that that faith and all the faith leading up to it would bring me to where I am today.  And it all began a short week after that day in Westport.


The following week was Winterblast, a youth retreat in Eastern Washington and as the name suggests, it's a lot of fun in the snow.  I was preparing for the weekend and beyond giddy.  I had not served at a youth event for over two years and I was sooo excited to be a part of this and be used by the Lord in this capacity again.  We were going to be there over Valentine's Day so I bought fun little things for the girls in my cabin and the Lord even prepared me for Valentine's Day in a devotion the few days before.  It was The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior (Who saves)! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest (in silent satisfaction) and in His love He will be silent and make no mention (of past sins, or even recall them); He will exult over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 Amplified Bible...I was ready to have a great weekend.  And THAT I did.  That weekend I was reminded what if felt like to be adored, to laugh from the depths of my gut, to have a smile stuck on my face and to do it all in the midst of loving God!  That weekend, I saw Dana Swanson for the first time as a man, as a man I could love, as a man I might just be attracted to, and it kind of freaked me out.  Laugh if you want to, but up until then, I saw him as a brother, a friend.  I have gone back and read my entries leading up to that weekend and then after that weekend and have actually shown Dana just which ones were written with HIM in mind.  You can too, most of them are.  I didn't know what had happened that weekend, what I do remember are a few things... I remember wanting ever so badly to spend every waking hour with him, because all we did was laugh and joke and have a good time, but then what kept ringing in the back of my head was how obvious it was going to be that we were always together if I did that and I didn't know what I was feeling so I didn't want anyone else thinking anything and I wanted to be a good example, but what I have found out since then is HE was doing what he could to MAKE sure I was with him as much as possible.  The other thing I recall is that on the actually evening of Valentine's Shane had bought several boxes of elementary style valentines.  He passed one out to everyone and had us write an anonymous note on them.   Because I had so recently been ministered to by the amazing verse in Zephaniah, I wrote THAT on there and prayed that whoever needed that as much as I did would get it but also secretly hoping it was Dana.  So Shane dumped them all back into this huge basket and then passed them all out again.  After it was all said and done, I approached Dana and was showing off my Lightning McQueen tattoo, when he pulled out the tattoo he had gotten, I recognized it and sure enough he had gotten the tattoo, I had written, I looked at him in awe and said, " hey that's mine!"  Apparently, he kept it.  
The months following were a modge podge of days where he would randomly call to ask a question, or me making Sunday night dinners a weekly event instead of sporadic, just so I could be sure to see him at least once a week.  He started using Facebook more, just to know what I was up to and posted status updates, just in case I cared where he was...and of course I did and on October 30th, when I decided to stop by the shop, my life would change, forever.  


Now, almost a year later...Winterblast is in 2 weeks.  I am engaged to the love of my life, my best friend.  A man that learned to love me, as a friend, long ago.  A man that I have respected for several years now, that has turned into a deep respect and excitement to spend the rest of my life with him.  I am so grateful, so in awe, so amazed at all the tiniest of details the Lord thought of.  And shhhh don't tell anyone but last year, Valentine's weekend, at Camas Meadows, WAS a romantic getaway...we just didn't know it.  

The Proposal

 We had only been officially dating for a few days when the conversation of a wedding came up.  I was flabbergasted and told him we were NOT having this conversation because at this stage in the game, I was only supposed to dream about that and giggle about it with my friends!  We ended up having that conversation where he told me that he had figured out his intentions before he ever opened his mouth...that October Saturday afternoon in his shop.  And that when the time was right, he was going to talk to my dad.  I had always dreamed of a man with enough integrity to care what my dads thoughts and feeling were on the subject...so I now had one more thing to respect him for.  

We patiently waited for my dad to return from a trip he had taken to Montana and on Saturday November 20, 2010 ( My birthday weekend!)  We made arrangements to go to my parents for the evening.  My mom knew what was happening but my dad did not.  I took my mom downstairs and gave her a massage to leave Dana and my dad alone.  I, of course, have only gotten bits and pieces of the conversation but the most important being the part where Dana told my dad that he thought I was an amazing woman, that he loved me and that he would like his permission to marry me.  My dad's response, SURE!   

Meanwhile, my mom and I are downstairs, and I am dying!!  I want to know everything that is going on, what is being talked about and when can we come back upstairs! ??  Finally my mom hollered up and asked if we could come up.  I discovered my dad had given his blessing and we sat down and talked about some details.  

My mom was overjoyed and was very excited to start telling people.  I told her she could but not by way of Facebook that for that she had to wait!  We had a toast and Dana and I walked back down to the red house.  My mind was reeling...I had to start planning a wedding, I had to do this and do that ... we walked into the kitchen and Dana looks perplexed.  He blurts out "this is all wrong."  " What's all wrong?"  I ask.  " THIS!   You're mom wants to start telling people, we're planning but I haven't officially proposed."  I felt bad and started to hug him, assuring him that it was going to be okay.  "  I can tell my mom NOT to tell people."  I did not want to get in the way of whatever he had planned, and did not want him to feel rushed or any of that.  But then he said, "No forget it."  and he dropped down on one knee in the middle of the kitchen floor my hands in his, Alice jumping around between us and he looked at me and said "Will you marry me?"  I cried, stood up hugged him and kissed him while of course saying YES!!!  

He had not planned on proposing on the kitchen floor but when it comes right down to it, the kitchen at the red house is where much of our falling in love had taken place, so it actually was absolutely perfect.  

Mrs. Swanson...

It's been a while since I posted an entry...I've had soo many amazing emotions streaming through my mind, heart and soul, it's hard to sit down and express them in words.  I am in the process of documenting the past 9 months so I will never forget every tiny little detail of Dana and I falling in love.  The Lord has been ever so gracious, slowly revealing to us, His hand in every last part of it, and it's amazing.  I'm pretty sure words can't do it justice, you pretty much need to see the smile on our faces and the glow in our spirits to know how blessed we feel.