My Drug of Choice

Back in February I wrote this after an amazing time I'd had for a friends blog about playing...I was reminded of it today and realized that I had never posted it on MY blog...

I didn’t laugh enough today, I can feel it in my countenance.  That’s kind of like saying I didn’t breathe enough today.  You see last weekend, God showed me , or rather reminded me, what it’s like, to laugh and play and have fun and I’ve been trying to incorporate that lesson into my everyday life.  I learned another lesson today, it’s more fun to laugh and play with some people, than others. 

Today, work started out really great, I didn’t have to be there till 8:30, I prayed most the way down there, and when I got there everyone was in a good mood, it was a great day in the making!  Well, then it started getting busy and one of the guys on the register started getting flustered, the gal leading the floor  didn’t get enough sleep last night so she wasn’t really deploying people properly and chaos began to set in.  I requested to be parked behind the espresso bar so that I could just concentrate on being fun, and trying to lift spirits but then came “ohhh I wanted that extra hot” after I had already steamed the milk, and making playful fun comments to employees to invite them to playfulness at work, only to be shut down by their bad attitude.  Then, our registers, go down which creates even more chaos.  I still tried to stay light hearted shouting out to the line that we were going old school and getting the abacus out to add up their orders… I got a few chuckles.  Now had the people I really enjoying playing with had been there, there would have been soul deep chortling going on….but not from this crowd.  And with one last ditch effort, when the registers finally came back up, I belted out a “yeeee haw” and only got strange looks from everyone. 

I sit at home now, alone, longing for that someone that makes me laugh at a day like the one I had today, laugh so that it all goes away…melts away into what WE want to laugh about and before I know it we’re giggling, chortling and loving one another and I’m ready for whatever the world has to offer, once again.

  I’m going through withdrawals…from the very thing that makes me WANT to breathe.  

Front Row Seats...

On one hand I'm utterly confused...
don't know which direction to head.
I'm sick of working retail, but have a great job.
I miss the comfort of CCLS but love CE.
My heart aches when I think of how much I will miss Tessa and Nicole but am so excited for THEM!
I'm excited about possibilities but grow weary of waiting

BUT on the other hand...
I know exactly where I'm going.
I have this anticipation in my gut as I think about the future...hope.
As I recount my life, events that have happened, realizations I've come to...
 I find myself smiling for no reason, a spunk in my step that's been gone for some time.

I may just let myself believe that the curtain is going up.
I may just have what it takes to step out on that stage and be the star of my own show.
and you may just want to sit back and watch because I have a feeling this is going to be a pretty good story.

The Ramblings of a Disgruntled Barista...

Sitting around with a group of friends from Seattle and easily at least half of them ARE currently baristas or once were.  That's what happens when you live in the pacific northwest coffee region!  For the rest of you, I thought I would compile a list of things that customers (and perhaps YOU) do that really annoy your barista....

• you come into a cafe on your phone and treat the individuals behind the counter like they're inconveniencing YOU by taking your order - seriously?  Its common courtesy 101, hang up your phone.  
• walking up to the counter, looking at the pastry case and asking, " Do you have any ________ (fill in the blank with whatever food you want but aren't currently seeing).  Nope.  Hint:  there's not a secret stash of food that only special people get to see...if we sell it, it's in the case.  
• do us all a favor and realize that you are in an area that has thousands upon thousands of coffee shops and they don't all speak the same lingo so just glance at the menu and see if the word GRANDE  is even ON the menu.  
• you're not fooling anyone when you get to the pick up counter and pretend that you've never ordered this drink before you start asking for add ons...AFTER you've paid.  Ohhh, can you add a little vanilla to that?  OR one of my personal favorites...the milk has been steamed, the drink is in the process of being poured and you ask, "ohhh did I say nonfat?"  If you didn't ... just drink the 2%, it tastes better and then you don't have to make your barista re-make your drink.  Oh but we'd be HAPPY to!!!  
• do you order a nonfat, decaf, sugar free vanilla latte?  Why?  Just ask for an ice water.  And if you insist on continuing to order this than order it by it's real name.. THE WHY BOTHER!
• I don't think you can ever convince me that by adding just a splash of regular coffee on the top of your decaf drip really makes a difference... its all in your head, and as long as YOU know that we're cool.  
• And since we're kinda on the subject, just order a split shot if you want it partially decaf, it's really annoying to pull 1/3 decaf.  Hey I'm just sayin... 
• If you want a double cup, just ask, but don't reach all the way across the counter and into my creating space and grab it yourself, it's just rude.  
• ahhhh and a little piece of advice for those older gentlemen out there, if you're 60 or older...just because the 25 year old behind the counter smiles at you, does NOT mean she wants to go for a ride on your boat...creeper.  
• REALLY?  I don't do fractions.  If it's sooo important to you that you only get 1/2 of a sweetener in your latte then you better do it yourself.  
• If we are holding a 32 ounce pitcher of milk and it sounds like a plane is taking off...we're busy steaming your milk and will be tied up for about 30-40 seconds so don't, in the middle of that, walk up and ask for a glass of ice water...ask one of the other 3 people behind the counter that aren't doing a single thing. 
• For the love of all that is holy, keep your pastries in your mouth.. I don't know how you make such an awful mess on the floor but seriously, I am pretty sure our scones don't explode... oh and by the way, there are trash cans at either entrance and also at the condiment bar... just throw your cup away..and your napkin and while you're at it your stir stick.   
• contrary to popular belief there IS NOT A DRAIN IN TH BOTTOM OF THE CONDIMENT COUNTER... if you want room in your coffee than say YES when we ask you if you want room but pouring into a trash can, is really messy.  
• Unfortunately most of us are not rainman and we can not rattle off every last caloric value of the entire menu, but when we say we can look it up, we will...don't roll your eyes at us. 
• Here in these parts, we use the measurement of LB...don't tell me how many ounces of beans you want, I'm not smart enough for that.
• A MACCHIATO DOES NOT (traditionally)  COME WITH CARAMEL IN IT.  

• think twice before lecturing your barista on how to make your cappuccino because around here, you can go into 10 different coffee shops, order 10 cappuccinos and get 10 different drinks.  So when we begin engaging with you around how much foam you'd like..just answer the question or you'll get a crappy cappuccino.  

And this is just a small list of the things that are often laughed about in the gatherings of the baristas.  And don't get me wrong, we all are fully aware that we are in the service industry.  We actually enjoy working where we work (or most of us do)  and LOVE coffee, so we'll put on a smile and do whatever you ask, and pick up after you and all of that, we get paid for it...but the less you can treat us like "the help" the better, lest beware a barista goes "flight attendant" on ya!

Canvas

You can judge me if you want, but I kinda like tattoos.  I have 3 now and a fourth one designed in my head but I've come against an issue. I'm kind of afraid that if I get this fourth one, that I won't stop.  I see people with multiple, meaningful tattoos and I think it's reeeally cool.  Like I want to ask them what they all mean and why they got them.  It's like a story book on your body.   And then there is the "what will people think"  and you can disagree with me if you want but ask anyone with multiple tattoos...people treat them differently.  For some reason, and I don't know the history of tattoo's but they carry a stigma with them that if you have one you must be a drug using, Harley riding, heathen of a freak show.  And I guess what's funny about THAT is that anymore there are more white collared, Harley riding, bible preaching freak shows!
So currently I have 3, all 3 have meaning to me, all different meaning, but meaning nonetheless.  But they are all also in areas pretty regularly covered by clothing.  The 4th has deep meaning as well but I want it on my forearm and for some reason making that decision is deciding if I want to basically change my entire persona.  If I have a visual tattoo, what will people think of me, how will people treat me differently...and the biggest question of them all, is am I finally at a point in my life where I care little enough about what other people think about me to just do what I want.
The first one I got was 17 years ago...I was 18, I walked into the Tattoo Emporium in Everett, flipped through a book and said, " I want that one. " pointing to this little green gecko.  The artist said, "where?"  " On my foot."  His face contorted.  "Nope.  I don't do that.  I can't guarantee it."  I gave in quickly.  "okay, then right here. "  I said, pointing to my abdomen.

And this is the result...

Yes it's silly and it has the least meaning of the three because really it just takes me back to the silliness of 18.  Ohh the care free silliness of 18.

The second one I got was a thought for over a year.  I knew I wanted one on the small of my back and excuse me but that was BEFORE they referred to as "tramp stamps".  Anyhew, I wanted something scrolly and pretty so I asked my sister to design something for me.  She made up several designs and in one weekend me and a friend cut and paste them onto grid paper and I drew the center, the representation of the moon and stars and ta da you have the tattoo across my back.  When my sister saw it she gasped and said she would never admit to being the one that designed it because hers were not THAT big.  I actually combined a few of what she had created to come up with the final product.

And the third one I got just this past Friday and it is one I designed last summer while in the middle of trying to figure out what was up with all the dragonflies.  And if you've been following my blog you will remember those entries (or you can go back and read them)  but basically this most recent tattoo has the most significance.  It symbolic of hope.  It is symbolic of the trust I have in the Lord, that HE is in control of that future and the reminder that he shows me in so many ways that he wants me to be free to trust his promises.

Cash Only

Back in April, maybe before that, I met with Momma Hen.  It was a vulnerable place for me because I came with bill balances and bank statements in hand, I had to finally expose this sin of mine.   I like to spend money, and at times have been known to, spend money I don't have.. thus the credit card debt.  It's a bad habit and one that I have been working diligently on NOT continuing!  I want to be debt free and because my friend, Momma Hen and her hubby had figured it out, I asked for her help.  She  got her pencil and paper and calculator and got to work.  When all was said and done, thankfully I could live comfortably and still pay off my debt in about a year.  The first step was to get $1,000 into savings and honestly that's where I got hung up.  I really thought that was impossible.  So I started the snowball thing with my credit cards, but guess what?  every month SOMETHING would come up and month after month I was/am still in debt and still NOT on a budget.  I partly kind of laugh in the face of a budget because I kind of feel like spending money is the one perk of being single (yes all of my blogs must reference my marital status..hahah just kidding)  but seriously if I can't have the perks of being married then sheesh I should be able to enjoy not having to answer to anyone about where I spend my money.  WRONG, very WRONG.  I am accountable.  And that's been made very clear in the past few months.  This past quarter, fiscally, the store I manage did very well and this week I will get the largest bonus check I have every received.   I am very excited and thankful for that!  Part of it will go in the bank to be my required savings and part of it will help with incidentals I haven't had the extra for lately.  This last Friday was my first payday of the month, I pulled out those 2 papers that Momma Hen so kindly wrote out for me and I went to the bank and pulled out my necessary cash for the first 2 weeks of the month.
 This is the result...

and I'm super excited!!!  Getting out of debt opens up a whole new realm of possibilities and I can't wait!!!

Being Wanted

I struggle with depression.  That's really no secret.  I tend to lean towards it being situational depression with some whacked out hormones thrown in there for good measure but whatever... sometimes things get pretty dark in my world.  If you've read much lately on here you'll see what I mean.  Anyway, when I get in these valleys I don't really want to do much of anything.  In fact, going to work is about all I can muster up and that's because my responsibility gene is stronger than the depression one.  And I REALLY don't want to spend time with people other than my family and reeeeally close friends.  You know, the people that will love me no matter what.  And so typically that means that I spend a lot of time  alone during these bouts.  Mainly because I am an initiator.  I am the phone caller, the plan maker, the get things going and done girl.  So when I"m down and out... well I have no social life.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine invited me to dinner.  We had been talking about getting together for a while but it had proven to be a bit of a challenge, we no longer attend the same church and we don't really live near each other.  I accepted the invitation and it felt good.  As I was driving over there I began to cry, thinking of just how good it felt for someone to want to spend time with JUST me.  It wasn't a party that I was invited to or a gathering of a group of friends (because I attend a lot of things like that)  It was someone saying " I want YOU to come to dinner"  I had a marvelous time with her and her husband and kids, being a guest, being loved, being wanted.  

 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

HE loves me this I know, 

HIS ways are higher than mine, 

HIS thoughts are higher than mine, 

Why do I question HIS plans? 

Why do I question HIS love? 

HE loves me, HE loves me not, 

HE LOVES ME!